The fight for independence
Some things are easy
Some things are not
Some things I remember
Some things I forgot
I remember how to brush my teeth
And how to touch my toes
But now I've got this problem and
I can't see how it goes
But, one day
One hap happy day
I'm gonna do it by myself
- from ‘I can do it by myself‘, Sesame Street
"I do it!"
This war cry is more and more common as children reach two and a half. As toddlers grow up, they become increasingly independent, and whilst this is an important step and of course we all want our children to be independent, it can nonetheless be difficult to manage.
What's this all about?
As children grow they begin to gain a sense of identity, and with this comes a desire to do things by themselves and indeed for themselves.
This desire may manifest itself as a new found curiosity of they home and their surroundings, and the need to test the boundaries. As such, if you haven't already, now's a really good time to make sure that anything potentially dangerous is well out of the reach of little hands!
It may also manifest itself in the desire to do certain tasks by themselves or select their own clothes and so on.
How should you handle it?
Remember that this quest for independence is a natural developmental stage. As such it's important not to simply deny requests out of hand.
There are some practical things that you can do:
Pick your battles...
Every now and again it's fine to allow your child to take a decision - even if it seems a little impractical. So if your little one is determined to wear their wellies on a boiling hot summer's day - let them. You know that their feet will get too hot, but right now persuading them that you are right is unlikely to be as effective as just letting them find out for themselves. Let them wear their wellies and just take along a change of footwear for when as they decide that their feet are indeed too hot. You'll have let them find out something for themselves which is a key part of the development process.
Child-proof your home...
Easier said than done I know, but try to make your home environment as safe as possible for your child. That way they will be able to test the boundaries without you running around after them saying ‘no' to everything. You can also help things along by putting lots of safe things within easy reach so your child can pick and choose what to do next themselves, without always having to defer to you.
Let them help...
Take the time to show your child how to complete basic tasks around the home, and let them pitch in and help. If what you're doing is too dangerous for a toddler - e.g. if you're ironing - find something that they can do for you - e.g. fetch you the next item of clothing from the ironing basket, or fetch you a hanger etc.
Make sure you give lots of praise, and resist the urge to jump in even if your child is taking twice or even three times as long as you would to complete the task. It's not important how long it takes them, and if you're constantly jumping in then you're not giving them the chance to learn how to do it and improve.
Play & Pretend
Help foster your child's sense of independence with a Mini Ps game - Hot or cold.
