Separation anxiety: How to leave your child for the first time
It’s nearly back-to-school time and that means that some children will be starting school for the first time, others will be moving to new schools and most will be moving up an academic year to new classroom surroundings and a new teacher.
Now, I’m a confident thirty-something woman but even I get a bit apprehensive when I try something new. It’s normal for even the most outgoing of people so it must be incredibly scary for a young child entering a completely new environment.
Luckily, most teachers are very used to dealing with separation anxiety and they have time-tested procedures to allow children to adapt as easily as possible and integrate into the class successfully. But what about us mums? Read more »
Drama & Autistic Children
Before I start, I’d like to say that I’m not an expert in autism by any means. However, over the past 15 years, I have taught a great many children on the Autism Spectrum so I have seen firsthand how autistic children can benefit from the kind of games and exercises we do at Perform.
My first experience of working with a child with autism did not go smoothly – largely because the parents hadn’t told me he was autistic (something which is more common that you might expect). They desperately wanted him to do drama but were worried that I would not want to have him in the class after he had been judged as too disruptive by several other schools. Read more »
Louisa and the gift of confidence
Louisa was five when I first met her a year ago.
She turned up looking small and terrified. In fact, I’d never seen a child so nervous before.
Children often get a bit teary at their first session but Louisa was distraught. Her mum was in a similarly panicked state and told us that Louisa rarely talked at school, would never put her hand up in class, had huge separation anxiety when going to school every day and found it impossible to form friendships.
Her Headteacher was so worried that she had suggested she see a child psychologist because she felt that Louisa’s problems were ruining her school experience.
Well, the first week she spent in the lobby barely daring to watch through the window. And the second week was the same – except that, this time, she did look through the window. Progress! Read more »
Thank you mummy
Before I had my own children, I had very clear ideas about the way in which I was going to bring them up. Having taught so many and seen so many parents ‘parent’, I thought I knew it all. Hmmm…
The reality, of course, has been very different. There are so many things that I thought I’d do or do better. But life just gets in the way, doesn’t it?
The one basic rule I have kept, however, is that my children absolutely must say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Almost as they started learning words, I have prompted, encouraged and insisted that they respond politely to adults and children alike. Yes, I am a soft touch in other areas (chocolate, bed-times etc. etc.) but I have been super strict with this and now, I am proud to say, I think they are pretty good at it. They say “please” and “thank you” every time without thinking and people often comment on this – which pleases me no end. And I don’t think I’m alone. Did anyone else see that interview where David Beckham said that his kids had impeccable manners? It struck me as such a good reflection on him and his wife that, despite their wealth and fame, they still attached importance to getting the basics right. Read more »
1, 2, 3, MAGIC (or is it?)
Behaviour has been at the forefront of my mind this week.
After the sugar-fuelled highs of Easter and the tantrum/headache-inducing lows of ‘back to school’, I’ve been considering how to regain some routine, balance and harmony into my family life.
Ok, so maybe I’m being optimistic here (!), but for me the desire to get ‘back to normal’ after holidays is always a strong one.
I really enjoy the freedom that a holiday brings; spirits are high and rules are relaxed. There is unlimited time to play, more treats and bedtimes are not so strictly observed. BUT….back to work/school/real life brings with it inevitable restrictions which can cause confusion and sometimes a rather unsettled period. I mentioned in my last blog that I had started to introduce my own formula for dealing with my 3 year old’s tantrums (I say “zip”, count to 10 then “let’s sort it out”) and I received a few interesting techniques from others I thought I’d share with you. Read more »
“I want it now”
My 3 year old is at that stage where he can be quite inconsolable when he wants something and isn’t getting it. Frequently, this is for the most trivial of reasons – such as the fact that his sister has the toy he wants to play with. But whatever the cause, when it happens, he won’t stop crying or get out of his mood whatever we say or do.
Yes, I know that this is normal and I have seen it a thousand times with the children that I teach, but it can be extremely stressful for you (and everybody around) when it happens.
At Perform, when children get ‘stuck’ in a mood and need to be brought out of it, we mostly find that distraction works brilliantly. We cheer up a child who is crying or feeling a bit lost by giving them a special job or a task to complete. All children like to feel helpful and special and, if you ask them to do something as simple as counting stickers or sorting out fruit, you’ll virtually always find that they stop feeling miserable and start engaging in ‘their job’.
However, when it is your own child and it is happening regularly, I’ve found that I needed something more powerful and also more versatile that works anywhere. Read more »
Is Your Child a Perfectionist?
As a (recovering) perfectionist myself, I spent years labouring under the misapprehension that perfectionism was a ‘good’ thing. It meant I was dedicated, it meant I did a good job, it meant I was focused.
However, it also made me pretty unhappy. There’s a big difference between being a perfectionist and being a high achiever. A high achiever will enjoy learning. Typically they’ll set realistic goals, enjoy the challenge of getting there and then perhaps continue on a little further – just because they can.
A perfectionist on the other hand will set themselves entirely unrealistic goals, fail to enjoy the challenge of trying to get there (because they’re so scared of failing) and then beat themselves up because they didn’t make the unrealistic target that they set themselves. For a perfectionist – ‘good’ simply isn’t ever good enough.
Plus, because ‘good’ isn’t good enough; perfectionists will often suffer from a sort of paralysis when it comes to starting tasks. Their fear of failure can become so strong that it literally prevents a perfectionist from even trying.
So, is your child a perfectionist? Do the following traits sound familiar?
Tips to Deal with Bossy Children
Many children reach a ‘bossy’ stage at one time or another, for most it’s simply part of their development – as they develop a stronger sense of self, they want to take more control. This may manifest itself in a number of ways – perhaps in their interactions with their siblings or peers – or even in the way that they speak to adults.
Around the mid-point of each Perform class we have a little break and hand out water and fruit; and it’s at this point that I quite like to sit back a little and observe how the children interact with each other. In one particular class, a little girl came up to me complaining about another child.
With one hand on her hip (a hilariously adult gesture) – she exclaimed: ”I just don’t know what to do with him; he never does as he’s told!”
I had to fight the urge to giggle – it’s the sort of thing parents say all the time…
Surviving the Supermarket
Thank goodness for 24 hour supermarkets. Often I tuck the little ones up in bed and leave the hubby to watch them and then go off to the supermarket all by myself. Late at night it’s often nigh on heavenly… Or as close to heavenly as the weekly shop can get!
I recognise of course that I am really very lucky – I have a 24 hour store nearby, and of course someone on hand to look after the children for me when I go.
Others of course have no option but to brave the supermarket with their children in tow. But how can you make the process (relatively) pain-free?
Dealing with Other People’s Children
Pretty much everyone who works at Perform deals with other people’s children on a regular basis.
For the most part, the children are pretty well behaved. They are often high spirited so the challenge is normally getting them to focus their energies. But of course from time to time we do have to deal with more serious behaviour; for example if a child is doing something that might be dangerous either to themselves or to others.
But, in my own experience, when it comes to taking care of other people’s children in a home environment – for example if your child has friends over for tea – dealing with bad behaviour can be quite a minefield.
Every parent has different ideas when it comes to correcting behaviour; so how do you deal with it? Is it a case of your house, your rules? But what if your rules differ from the child’s own “house rules”? It’s tricky isn’t it?
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