Lucy's blog » Toddlers

Fasten your seatbelts and…help!

Lucy Quick — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 12:56:56 +0000

Sorry for the slight hiatus. I’ve just come back from two wonderful weeks in Umbria and, a holiday being a change after all, my husband and I agreed a social media fast as well. Anyway, now that’s over,I can get on with gorging myself again – phew!

So holidays with children…can they really be called holidays? Certainly, the travelling part with my children can sometimes be…..well, challenging.

Before I went, the journalist Rosie Millard published a book called ‘Bonne Vacances: A Crazy Family Adventure in the French Territories’. Although I packed it in suitcase, I confess that I have still yet to read it (strangely the flight was not as good an good opportunity as I hoped…..) but I did see her interviewed about her trip and she struck me as a very brave woman! Her idea was to set out on a tour of the French Overseas Departments and Territories (the Dom-Toms ) with her husband and four young children to show the children it is possible to survive twelve weeks without Hannah Montana. During the interview she explained how they took very little with them, and her advice for in flight entertainment? Just a pad of paper and a pencil! I wish. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure my two little ones would not be kept entertained for a flight with so little.

I really love the idea of travelling light though I always seem weighed down with bags, duty free, books and magazines. So this time I was determined to pack smart but also be prepared with everything required to deal with whinges from the kids. Even if you’re only doing a short 2 1/2 hour flight, there’s still the journey to the airport, hanging around at the airport and possible delays, so I always feel much better if I am armed with various activities and little tricks up my sleeve.

Here are my suggestions for a happier flight:

Make up a ‘travel treat bag’ which is only given and opened after take off! This could contain colouring books, crayons, mini jigsaws, small travelling toys, small ‘sports style’ water bottles, carby treats and dried fruit (as opposed to sweets).
Books
Ipod or Ipad
Game boy.
Sweets for them to suck to stop ears popping, but beware it doesn’t make them too hyper.
“I spy” type games
Sticker books- especially ones that feature travel or different countries
If you have an iphone, download mini vidoes from Itunes (cost around £1.30) and last 30 minutes.
Wrap familiar toys in lots of different wrapping paper a la pass the parcel.
For slightly older kids- a scrapbook that can be filled with tickets, post cards & mementos collected from the holiday (perfect for return flight)

You don’t need all of the above (and probably don’t have the space in your carry-on either!). Just choose a few and produce tactically throughout the journey. Hold a small special toy/present back, and produce with a flourish at the point a child’s behaviour begins to wobble.

One final point: before I left, I was keen to get some more ideas from one of my seasoned traveller friends who recently spent some time travelling with a new born and a 3 year old. Six months of long haul flights. Crazy! I asked him what activities he used to keep his kids under control at 30,000 feet. His response was a roll of the eyes, a big sigh and the words “no toys or games in the world will keep a 3 year old happy on a plane for 12 hours”.

Whatever your views, I think one thing is for certain. We should never expect our children to be adults, especially when flying. Their movement is restricted, there is very limited stimulation around and they’re expected to stay quiet and still for long periods of time. So do be realistic and forgiving and everything will be a lot calmer…and more of a holiday!

Anyone else got suggestions for young children and air travel?

1, 2, 3, MAGIC (or is it?)

Lucy Quick — Sat, 07 May 2011 01:04:10 +0000

Behaviour has been at the forefront of my mind this week.

After the sugar-fuelled highs of Easter and the tantrum/headache-inducing lows of ‘back to school’, I’ve been considering how to regain some routine, balance and harmony into my family life.

Ok, so maybe I’m being optimistic here (!), but for me the desire to get ‘back to normal’ after holidays is always a strong one.

I really enjoy the freedom that a holiday brings; spirits are high and rules are relaxed. There is unlimited time to play, more treats and bedtimes are not so strictly observed. BUT….back to work/school/real life brings with it inevitable restrictions which can cause confusion and sometimes a rather unsettled period. I mentioned in my last blog that I had started to introduce my own formula for dealing with my 3 year old’s tantrums (I say “zip”, count to 10 then “let’s sort it out”) and I received a few interesting techniques from others I thought I’d share with you.

One of my friends was telling me that she is trying to control her child’s behaviour by using a technique from the “1, 2, 3, Magic programme” which offers Parenting Solutions for Dealing with Difficult Behaviour in Toddlers, Children and Teens.

This programme’s way of dealing with a child’s ‘naughty’ behaviour is to use the “3 strikes and you are out” philosophy. Basically the child only gets 3 chances to be naughty before he/she has to have time out. I’m not hugely familiar with this theory but it seems to me that, although you may be able to gain some degree of control (eventually), you are allowing them two opportunities to misbehave and not addressing the child’s issue. Certainly, at Perform we’d get nowhere with this technique – we have a “nip it in the bud” policy where we act quickly and decisively and ask the child to stop any misbehaviour straight away.

Of course, you could spend your life talking and reading about different techniques to help bring up your child. But I do think it’s worth mentioning someone that one of my Mini Ps mums told me about. She has a huge “crush” on Dr Harvey Karp, an American child development specialist – this is his website.

In a nutshell, Dr Karp believes that when a child (specifically a toddler) screams “I want a biscuit!” just before lunch, the way to deal with it is to repeat their demand back to them in the same tone i.e. “You want a biscuit! I know you want a biscuit!” Then offer them an alternative and an explanation; “Why don’t you have this for now? If you eat a biscuit, you won’t want to eat your lunch.” The idea is that, by repeating their demand you are communicating that you understand it and this calms the child down.

Whatever your personal feelings about shouting “You want a biscuit!” to your toddler while he or she is having a tantrum, it’s unarguable that we all want to be understood and children are really no different. The idea is not to give way to your child’s every whim but to simply listen and offer an alternative.

I tried this technique with my 20 month old and it seemed to work…but, saying that, it hasn’t been tested halfway up the M40 mid-meltdown, so I’d love to know if any of you give it a go. I’d also be really interested to hear from anyone who follows the Parenting Magic and the Happiest Baby techniques. I’m off to experiment with my own two guinea pigs!

“I want it now”

Lucy Quick — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 02:43:41 +0000

My 3 year old is at that stage where he can be quite inconsolable when he wants something and isn’t getting it. Frequently, this is for the most trivial of reasons – such as the fact that his sister has the toy he wants to play with. But whatever the cause, when it happens, he won’t stop crying or get out of his mood whatever we say or do.

Yes, I know that this is normal and I have seen it a thousand times with the children that I teach, but it can be extremely stressful for you (and everybody around) when it happens.

At Perform, when children get ‘stuck’ in a mood and need to be brought out of it, we mostly find that distraction works brilliantly. We cheer up a child who is crying or feeling a bit lost by giving them a special job or a task to complete. All children like to feel helpful and special and, if you ask them to do something as simple as counting stickers or sorting out fruit, you’ll virtually always find that they stop feeling miserable and start engaging in ‘their job’.

However, when it is your own child and it is happening regularly, I’ve found that I needed something more powerful and also more versatile that works anywhere.

Which is how I stumbled upon my “Zip” technique. (By the way, this has only ever been tested on my own guinea pig child so please try it out on yours and get back to me).

When Tom is stuck in a tantrum and is screaming the place down, I lower my voice and firmly say “Zip!”. That’s often enough to get him quiet for a second. Enough for him to be listening as I then slowly count out loud to 10. Once I get to 10, I say “Let’s sort it out”.
So it goes. “Zip. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Let’s sort it out”.

It takes about 15 seconds to do. But, by the time I’ve finished, his crying has calmed down and he’s starting to realize that ,whatever is wrong, it can be sorted.

Now it’s not a miracle – there is still a long way to go to stopping the tantrum – but the rhythmic predictable sound of counting to 10 and the anticipation of “Let’s sort it out” really does seem to work (and we’ve tried this many times now – more’s the pity!) He knows that when you get to “Let’s sort it out”, it is time to stop the hysterics and get on with solving the problem.

That’s not to say that I give in to his request and take the toy from his sister, but by now he’s in a much better frame of mind for me to explain why he can’t have it, and distract him with something else. Tantrum over – phew!

If anyone out there has their own techniques which work, do let me know via the comments. Or, if you happen to try mine out, let me know how it goes!

Music & your Child

Lucy Quick — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:44:32 +0000

Most children love music, whether it’s singing nursery rhymes complete with actions (of course), having a little dance or even listening to something more soothing before they go to sleep.

My Mum loves to tell people about how I would make up my own songs when I was little (well perhaps ‘songs’ is pushing it) they were more like stories which I’d sing to myself – e.g.:

“Once there was a little girl,

She was called Lucy,

She went to the park,

And went on the swings,

And had a cheese sandwich…”

I’m certain that they weren’t necessarily particularly tuneful, and I probably never sang the same song twice. I don’t have much recollection of doing it as I was too young really, but apparently I’d keep myself amused for hours. So, suffice to say, music has always been really important to me – perhaps even before I can actually remember!

I was therefore chuffed to stumble across an article online wherein the author (sadly uncredited) highlights the importance of music in a child’s development:

“Music contributes to what experts call “a rich sensory environment.” This simply means exposing kids to a wide variety of tastes, smells, textures, colors, and sounds

Should You Encourage Children to Make New Year’s Resolutions?

Lucy Quick — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:48:45 +0000

Well, it’s a brand new year, and (for some at least) I’m guessing that New Year’s resolutions are front of mind.

They certainly are on the Supernanny website, where they’ve compiled a list of potential New Year’s resolutions for kids. On the face of it, I have to confess it sounds pretty good, right? You and your child agree a set of resolutions which they’ll try to stick to.

The only problem is, well let’s be honest now. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions we don’t necessarily take them all that seriously. Normally my resolutions last around a week or so, or possibly if I’m very focused, until the end of January; then – well they just sort of fall by the wayside.

I can’t help but feel that in some instances we’re just setting ourselves up for failure. To be fair, I think that more often than not, this has to do with the type of resolutions which we set ourselves; and perhaps (if we’re not careful) we may find ourselves setting our children.

Let’s start out with a favourite of mine (just so we’re clear, this is one of my resolutions, not one I’ve set my child!):

“lose weight”

Ah two little words, that’s all, just two little words… and yet – well it’s difficult, right? Surely a far better, and indeed more achievable resolution would be something like:

“find a form of exercise you enjoy”

Now that’s much better. It’s still hard, of course, but the chances are:

Whilst I’m looking for a form of exercise I enjoy I will try out various activities, which will probably mean that I’m more active than I was.

I probably will find an activity I do like.

If I like the activity the chances are I will stick with it.

I think that if you do decide to agree New Year’s resolutions with your child, you’ll need to employ a similar tack. Make the resolutions achievable, positive and open.

So, if for example you’ve a fussy eater, and you’d like them to eat more fruit and vegetables – rather than having a resolution like “eat more fruit and veg”, why not try something along the lines of “try a new fruit or vegetable every week”. Don’t get me wrong, chances are you’ll still have something of a battle on your hands, but at least it sounds less daunting than the previous version!

I’ve decided to give this a go with my eldest and to help ease things along I’ve make it a two way street – so for every resolution he’s agreed to do for me, I’ve agreed to do one for him.

If you’re looking to implement something similar think along the lines of agreeing to some one-on-one time once per week, or an extra story on a Saturday night.

I’d also recommend keeping your resolutions front of mind by writing them on a sheet of paper and putting it somewhere prominent – e.g the fridge, a notice board, the kitchen door, etc. If your resolutions involve weekly or monthly activities, then create a chart so you can tick off the tasks as and when you complete them. This might also to help you keep on track.

Have you made resolutions with your children? Got any tips you’d care to share? I’d love to hear about them; oh and wish me luck!

Image credit Sally M

Baby Steps for Bedtime Routines

Lucy Quick — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:46:29 +0000

Again, this week I thought I’d share one of my own experiences as a parent.

With newborns it can be really difficult to get into a bedtime routine which works for both you, and the baby. Most parents (myself included) bathe their newborn at around 7pm and then pop them down with a feed at around 10pm-10.30pm.

Now whilst this often works quite well for your baby, it’s not necessarily the best for you as a parent. Of course our newborns are the centre of our worlds, but still, it would be nice to reclaim a little of your evening back right? Sit down and have a proper conversation with your partner, or maybe read a book or magazine, have a bath – oh the possibilities!

Well, my cousin felt so too. She decided to try a little experiment to see if she could get her newborn down earlier, and get back a couple of hours in the evening. Now she didn’t want to leap straight in to a dramatic change in routine; instead she figured that it may be better to try to change her baby’s bedtime routine a little at a time – baby steps if you will.

Therefore, she began by bathing her baby at 10pm and popping her to bed at around 10.30pm. Then, each week she brought baby’s bedtime forward just a little bit – around half an hour or so. As the weeks progressed she managed to get to the point where her baby was going to sleep around 7pm, thereby leaving her with some much needed downtime with her partner.

Now as someone who reads anything and everything baby and child related that I can get my hands on I was intrigued by this idea. I’d certainly never read it anywhere, but buoyed by her success I decided to give it a go with my 12 week old.

Guess what? SUCCESS!

It really did work. I think the key is that because you’re changing the routine very gradually over a period of weeks there’s less trauma – for all involved. I’d guess that the baby probably isn’t even aware of the routine changing per se.

I have to say that I also feel much better as a result. I feel that just by having a little bit more time for me, time to chat to my husband and so on really helps me cope better day to day with caring for my little ones. I think that the truth is that if you feel a little more rested, a little more relaxed etc, parenting becomes easier. I’m sure that my children pick up on it too – a happy, more relaxed Mummy is definitely nicer to be around!

So dear readers, over to you. Have you tried something like this? Did it work for you? Do you have any tips for baby bedtime routines that you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them!

Oh, I do hope you’ve had a very happy Christmas and will have a wonderful New Year!

Image credit toadstool ring

Helping Your Child Adjust to a New Baby

Lucy Quick — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:42:29 +0000

This week I thought I’d share a story about my own experiences as a Mum.

Our son was 23 months when I brought our daughter home for the first time. Now, there are lots of different opinions over what to do when introducing a new baby to your toddler for the first time. It can be a difficult time for the firstborn child. Of course they’ll need lots of love and reassurance as you don’t want them to feel like they’re being replaced by a newer model!

As such, before our daughter was born we spent a lot of time with our son. We spoke about key milestones in her development and encouraged him to get involved in preparing for her arrival. He seemed to take everything in his stride and was genuinely excited about her being born.

I think it’s fair to say that at this point we were feeling pretty confident of a smooth (well smooth-ish!) adjustment period when we brought our little bundle of joy home.

I’d been reading an article which suggested that you should buy something for your newborn to give as a gift to the firstborn. My husband and I both thought that this was a lovely idea. Our son is a big Winnie the Pooh fan, and his favourite character is Eeyore. As such, we thought that a lovely big Eeyore cuddly toy would be the ideal gift for our new baby daughter to give to our son.

Sadly, it didn’t go quite as planned! He hated it; and I mean *really* hated it.

As Robert Burns wrote:

“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley”

I think in retrospect we underestimated the amount of adjustment required!

The truth is that our son was really excited about having a new baby sister as an abstract idea – he just felt a little different about the reality. In fairness to him, the reality of a new baby is a big adjustment for an adult to make – let alone a toddler!

So, what did work?

Well I thought back to my experiences when teaching at Perform. Often children who are new to the classes initially feel a little uneasy and are unwilling to get involved. In the past I’ve found that giving children responsibilities makes them feel more grown up and in control. It also makes them feel like a valued member of a team.

I reasoned that perhaps our son was struggling a little in terms of making the adjustment to having a new baby in the house because he wasn’t sure where he fitted in now. He wasn’t the baby of the house anymore, but neither was he an adult.

I found that by giving him some responsibility in terms of helping me with the new baby, he began to feel useful and could see where he fitted in. He would help me in all sorts of little ways – fetching nappies and wipes, pulling faces to keep her amused etc.

So, apart from the fact that it is *very* useful having a nappy fetcher, I found that once our son saw how important he was in terms of helping with his baby sister’s day to day care he quite quickly made the adjustment.

Now he loves being a big brother to his baby sister… Sadly, things didn’t end quite so well for Eeyore who still sits alone and unloved to this day!

Image credit helgasms!

Christmas Car Journeys – A Survivors’ Guide

Lucy Quick — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:16:26 +0000

Many of us make trips to visit family and friends around Christmas and of course over the New Year.

As such I get lots of questions from frazzled parents enquiring whether I have any tips to make those long Christmas car journeys go smoothly.

Well, smoothly might be pushing it somewhat – but I certainly have some suggestions which hopefully you’ll find useful.

Be Prepared…

You were in the Brownies, right? Or the Scouts? No? Well back when I was a Brownie the motto was “Be Prepared”, and preparation is everything. Before you set off, plan your route and rest (toilet) stops. Also decide when you’re going to be driving. Make sure you take snacks, drinks etc. with you.

It’s also a good idea to talk through your plans with your child (provided that they’re old enough to understand of course) – so that they have an understanding of where you’re planning to go; when; and how long it’s going to take to get there.

Consider Driving at Night…

I’d suggest considering doing the drive at night (obviously, this assumes that you’re quite happy driving on the roads at night) as it does have its advantages. The roads are often quieter – so you’ll be less likely to be held up in traffic jams which can cause as much tension as squabbling little ones in the back seat.

There’s also a fighting chance that your children will sleep for some or all of the journey. If you are travelling at night, I’d recommend that you pop your children in their pyjamas before you set off. Also take blankets, pillows and so on to encourage them to snuggle up and drift off to sleep.

Games to Play in the Car…

Bear in mind however, that even if you do decide to drive at night, your little angels may not play ball and drift off to sleep as you’ve been hoping. It’s therefore a good idea to have an armoury of games up your sleeve to keep them occupied; and of course if you are planning to make the journey during the day you’ll definitely need some games to distract them.

There’s nothing wrong with pulling out the old family favourites like having a sing-song, or playing ‘I Spy’, they’ve kept us amused on lots of car journeys, but I thought I’d share a couple of the games which we play at Perform so you can mix it up a little:

Imaginary Friend

This game is a little like ‘Consequences’ – each person in the car takes it in turns to contribute a line of a story. Explain that together you are going to create an imaginary character. You begin by giving him or her a name. Then take it in turns to build up their appearance and character e.g.:

“His name is Charlie, and he has a green nose”

“He is wearing a red jacket”

“He is a little bit shy”

“He is scared of spiders”

Go on to create an adventure for him – where he goes, who he meets there, what he gets up to and so on.

Yes or No Game

This is a great game which you can take it turns to play. The rules are simple – one person plays the game whilst the others take it in turns to ask questions. The only catch is, no matter what’s asked they can’t answer yes or no – e.g.:

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“I have”

“Do you like chocolate?”

“I love it”

If the person being questioned answers yes or no, switch over so someone else can take a turn answering the questions.

Speak for 15 seconds

Harder than it sounds actually! Take it turns to think of a subject. You must talk for 15 seconds on the subject without leaving an long pauses, or saying er or um.

The Magician’s Cat

This is an alphabet game. Go around the car, and each person has to say

“The magician’s cat is an cat”

Then continue through the alphabet with everyone taking a turn.

Got any tips of your own to survive car journeys? Or games which you play? I’d love to hear about them – drop me a note in the comments. Oh, and good luck with your car journeys over the festive season!

Image credit myuibe