Should we let our children learn from their own mistakes?
It is a fact universally acknowledged (thank you Jane Austen) that parenting is difficult. There’s no real training course, no previous experience and yet the risks if you get it wrong are serious and far-reaching. In particular, as parents, we are challenged with different situations to deal with almost every day.
I encountered just such a situation last week at my local soft play centre. It made me think about how far we should go in letting our children learn by their own mistakes.
As with most soft play centres, there’s a big slide (it always makes me think I’m in The Faraway Tree as I slide down it with my 2 year old) which is always a favourite with most of the children who attend. I’d noticed that there were two children a little bit older than mine hanging around the bottom of the slide and trying to walk up it. They had collided a few times with the kids sliding down resulting in one child running off in tears.
A Baby for all Seasons
A good friend of mine was told last week that her five-year-old daughter would always be at a disadvantage educationally because she had been born in July. This advice was given to her by an experienced teacher at a well-known secondary school who said that this was such a well-known phenomenon as to almost go without saying.
I must admit that, as an August baby myself, I was slightly taken aback at the suggestion! It’s also not something that I have ever worried about in all my years of working with young children. However, five minutes with Professor Google suggests that there is at least some science to support the theory.
Careful the things you say, children will listen
I took my 4 year old son to a birthday party last week. Just before we got there, he fell over and so was a bit tearful and clingy when we arrived. He didn’t want to join in with the rest of his friends who were being entertained by a well-known local clown. Tom’s a very confident child and is usually very good at joining in so I knew that this out-of-character behaviour was because he’d just hurt himself. As a result, I was quite happy to let him sit on my lap for a bit until he’d settled down.
When the party entertainer saw that Tom wasn’t taking part, he came over and said “Come on, Mr Shy Boy. Come and join in!” He walked away and I said to Tom, “Go on, Tom”. And Tom responded with “I can’t, Mummy, I’m shy”. Although I didn’t show it at the time, inside I was quite annoyed. Although well meaning, the flip comment that had just been made in front of my son was inaccurate and unhelpful and, while I don’t think Tom believed it about himself, it gave him a good reason not to join in. Read more »
Serious Fun
I was chatting with a friend of mine today about her new job. She’s now a “Play Specialist” at a Central London Hospital. The role has many different responsibilities but her major focus is on using “play” to prepare children for treatment, distract them during procedures such as injections and help them to understand what they have experienced. Hence the title “Play Specialist”.
She says that sometimes she has only one hour to get to know a child before they have a major procedure and that the best way to get to know them is to simply start playing with them straight away. This enables her to make almost immediate decisions about their personality so she can work out how to support them in whatever they are about to go through. Read more »
Children and eye contact – helping your child look people in the eye
Darling, look at Jane when she says hello to you!
Does that sound familiar to you? Have you ever said it to your own child? I know I have!
I’ve always been passionate about helping children make eye contact, especially when they meet new people or talk to adults. I think it is such an important skill to have. You only have to do an internet search for “Looking people in the eye” and you’ll find hundreds of pages about how hard people find eye contact. There are forums and websites completely dedicated to the subject so it is obviously a big problem out there.
Closer to home, eye contact is something we get asked about frequently when we talk to parents whose children come to Perform. Looking into someone’s eyes when you talk to them demonstrates confidence and we all want our children to be confident and to show this to the outside world. Eye contact is crucial for good communication skills and, if taught early, it can be with you for life. Read more »
Discovering your “fun” and “firm” voices
When we train our teachers for Perform classes, one of the sections we spend the longest time working on is their voices. I’m not talking about their singing voices here; they are, after all, trained actors and singers and wouldn’t get to the training stage if they didn’t have a great instrument. What we work on is teaching them how to effectively use their voice to inspire and control children.
At Perform, we encourage our teachers to have two different types of voices for effective teaching: their energised, fun and inspiring voice for the majority of the time; and a low and firm no nonsense voice to use to ensure control when necessary. Read more »
Drama & Autistic Children
Before I start, I’d like to say that I’m not an expert in autism by any means. However, over the past 15 years, I have taught a great many children on the Autism Spectrum so I have seen firsthand how autistic children can benefit from the kind of games and exercises we do at Perform.
My first experience of working with a child with autism did not go smoothly – largely because the parents hadn’t told me he was autistic (something which is more common that you might expect). They desperately wanted him to do drama but were worried that I would not want to have him in the class after he had been judged as too disruptive by several other schools. Read more »
Fame costs
Like everyone else, I was shocked and saddened to read about Amy Winehouse yesterday. With hindsight, looking back at that footage from the Belgrade concert a few weeks ago, it was pretty clear that something was definitely not right – even more so than over the past few years.
To be honest, when I was watching her stumbling around the stage in Serbia, I was prompted to write something about her decline from that sparky talented girl to the mixed-up source of tabloid headlines she had become – but her untimely death has really crystallised my thoughts about such a tragic waste of life. Read more »
And what do YOU want to do today darling?
I remember being very small and really not wanting to go to my ballet class (isn’t it weird how certain childhood memories just stick?)
I was standing at the top of the stairs and my Dad (a bit of a softie) was quite happy to let me skip the class. But my Mum told him that they’d paid for it, I’d enjoy it when I got there and playing with my toys or watching television would be no better for me.
Of course, I went to ballet that day, loved it as usual and continued for years. In retrospect, I can see that it was entirely the right call. Thank you to my parents for making me stick at something.
If you are a parent, you might be considering how you approach these situations with your children. In my own case, I see the different ways that parents react almost every day and my conclusion is that parenting has changed quite a bit since I was a child. Read more »
Louisa and the gift of confidence
Louisa was five when I first met her a year ago.
She turned up looking small and terrified. In fact, I’d never seen a child so nervous before.
Children often get a bit teary at their first session but Louisa was distraught. Her mum was in a similarly panicked state and told us that Louisa rarely talked at school, would never put her hand up in class, had huge separation anxiety when going to school every day and found it impossible to form friendships.
Her Headteacher was so worried that she had suggested she see a child psychologist because she felt that Louisa’s problems were ruining her school experience.
Well, the first week she spent in the lobby barely daring to watch through the window. And the second week was the same – except that, this time, she did look through the window. Progress! Read more »
