Is Your Child a Perfectionist?
As a (recovering) perfectionist myself, I spent years labouring under the misapprehension that perfectionism was a ‘good’ thing. It meant I was dedicated, it meant I did a good job, it meant I was focused.
However, it also made me pretty unhappy. There’s a big difference between being a perfectionist and being a high achiever. A high achiever will enjoy learning. Typically they’ll set realistic goals, enjoy the challenge of getting there and then perhaps continue on a little further – just because they can.
A perfectionist on the other hand will set themselves entirely unrealistic goals, fail to enjoy the challenge of trying to get there (because they’re so scared of failing) and then beat themselves up because they didn’t make the unrealistic target that they set themselves. For a perfectionist – ‘good’ simply isn’t ever good enough.
Plus, because ‘good’ isn’t good enough; perfectionists will often suffer from a sort of paralysis when it comes to starting tasks. Their fear of failure can become so strong that it literally prevents a perfectionist from even trying.
So, is your child a perfectionist? Do the following traits sound familiar?
Helping Your Child to Concentrate
Developing concentration skills is a key part in a child’s development – and succeeding in any field, be it artistic, sporting or academic requires the ability to concentrate on the task at hand. Concentration is one of what we call the Four Cs (along with confidence, communication and coordination) which all of the games, songs and dances are created to help improve at Perform, so it’s definitely something I think about at lot.
All children have the ability to concentrate – think about the things they enjoy doing – e.g. they’ll often have no problem at all with concentration when they’re playing a computer game, drawing, playing a particular sport etc. Normally it’s just a case of being interested in something. However, the ability to concentrate on any task can be a tougher skill to learn.
Even as adults we find it difficult to concentrate from time to time – so it really should be no surprise that children struggle too!
Tips to Deal with Bossy Children
Many children reach a ‘bossy’ stage at one time or another, for most it’s simply part of their development – as they develop a stronger sense of self, they want to take more control. This may manifest itself in a number of ways – perhaps in their interactions with their siblings or peers – or even in the way that they speak to adults.
Around the mid-point of each Perform class we have a little break and hand out water and fruit; and it’s at this point that I quite like to sit back a little and observe how the children interact with each other. In one particular class, a little girl came up to me complaining about another child.
With one hand on her hip (a hilariously adult gesture) – she exclaimed: ”I just don’t know what to do with him; he never does as he’s told!”
I had to fight the urge to giggle – it’s the sort of thing parents say all the time…
Surviving the Supermarket
Thank goodness for 24 hour supermarkets. Often I tuck the little ones up in bed and leave the hubby to watch them and then go off to the supermarket all by myself. Late at night it’s often nigh on heavenly… Or as close to heavenly as the weekly shop can get!
I recognise of course that I am really very lucky – I have a 24 hour store nearby, and of course someone on hand to look after the children for me when I go.
Others of course have no option but to brave the supermarket with their children in tow. But how can you make the process (relatively) pain-free?
Dealing with Other People’s Children
Pretty much everyone who works at Perform deals with other people’s children on a regular basis.
For the most part, the children are pretty well behaved. They are often high spirited so the challenge is normally getting them to focus their energies. But of course from time to time we do have to deal with more serious behaviour; for example if a child is doing something that might be dangerous either to themselves or to others.
But, in my own experience, when it comes to taking care of other people’s children in a home environment – for example if your child has friends over for tea – dealing with bad behaviour can be quite a minefield.
Every parent has different ideas when it comes to correcting behaviour; so how do you deal with it? Is it a case of your house, your rules? But what if your rules differ from the child’s own “house rules”? It’s tricky isn’t it?
Sibling Rivalry
Whilst sibling rivalry is common, it can be nonetheless upsetting for all involved.
As a parent and as someone who deals with children on a daily basis, I’ve both experienced it first hand and have had numerous conversations with parents who are struggling too.
So, why do siblings squabble? There can be many reasons -
Is Three a Crowd?
Depending on your point of view, three is either a crowd; or perhaps the magic number – anyone else remember De La Soul? (I’m showing my age, huh? :))
What about when it comes to friends?
I was chatting to a parent this week – she was expressing concerns about her child’s current ‘best’ friends. Seemingly she has two best friends, and for the most part at least, it seems to work pretty well for the three of them.
However, of late she’s noticed that more and more frequently two of the three will ‘gang up’ on the other one. At the moment she thinks it’s pretty harmless, just the usual childhood squabbles and it’s not always the same child that gets picked on but is worried that in the future it might become more of a problem.
Aged around 8 (as her daughter is) having one ‘best’ friend becomes more important, and her mother is concerned that one of the threesome is going to get pushed out.
Helping Your Child Develop Thinking Skills
At Perform we talk a lot about the benefits of drama in terms of child development; we tend to break it down to the four Cs: Confidence; Communication; Concentration and Coordination.
Whilst of course drama does indeed benefit children in these core areas, of late I’ve been thinking that the list is by no means exhaustive.
I’m a big believer in the importance of teaching children ‘thinking skills’. What do I mean? Well many researchers have tried to identify the key skills involved in ‘thinking’ – probably the most famous of which is Bloom’s Taxonomy – he explains it far better than I ever could, so forgive me for simply quoting direct:
Building Your Child’s Confidence
We all want our children to be confident, but some children struggle. At Perform I speak to many parents who are concerned about how little confidence their children have.
Some are sceptical that a children’s drama class can actually help. After all, asking a child who lacks confidence to ‘perform’ might seem to be a bizarre concept.
However, we do things a little differently. We create a safe environment where children feel at ease. The vast majority of the activities which we engage the children in are games – it’s about having fun, not about being a perfect performer.
I’d like to share the story of one of our children – we’ll call him Rohit.
When he joined us he was painfully shy and barely said a word to anyone. His parents were understandably concerned and really wanted him to gain confidence and come out of his shell.
Should You Encourage Children to Make New Year’s Resolutions?
Well, it’s a brand new year, and (for some at least) I’m guessing that New Year’s resolutions are front of mind.
They certainly are on the Supernanny website, where they’ve compiled a list of potential New Year’s resolutions for kids. On the face of it, I have to confess it sounds pretty good, right? You and your child agree a set of resolutions which they’ll try to stick to.
The only problem is, well let’s be honest now. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions we don’t necessarily take them all that seriously. Normally my resolutions last around a week or so, or possibly if I’m very focused, until the end of January; then – well they just sort of fall by the wayside. Read more »
