Is Your Child a Perfectionist?
As a (recovering) perfectionist myself, I spent years labouring under the misapprehension that perfectionism was a ‘good’ thing. It meant I was dedicated, it meant I did a good job, it meant I was focused.
However, it also made me pretty unhappy. There’s a big difference between being a perfectionist and being a high achiever. A high achiever will enjoy learning. Typically they’ll set realistic goals, enjoy the challenge of getting there and then perhaps continue on a little further – just because they can.
A perfectionist on the other hand will set themselves entirely unrealistic goals, fail to enjoy the challenge of trying to get there (because they’re so scared of failing) and then beat themselves up because they didn’t make the unrealistic target that they set themselves. For a perfectionist – ‘good’ simply isn’t ever good enough.
Plus, because ‘good’ isn’t good enough; perfectionists will often suffer from a sort of paralysis when it comes to starting tasks. Their fear of failure can become so strong that it literally prevents a perfectionist from even trying.
So, is your child a perfectionist? Do the following traits sound familiar?
Summer Activities for Children
Well the Summer holidays are upon us!
I really can’t believe how this year’s flown by! If the Summer holidays have somewhat snuck up on you and you’re worried about how you’re going to keep your little ones occupied over the break then check out the list below for some ideas:
1. Get Crafty!
Arts and crafts are a fantastic for children – not only are they lots of fun, but they also encourage them to use their imagination, and help improve concentration. Click here for some great arts and crafts ideas.
Helping Your Child to Concentrate
Developing concentration skills is a key part in a child’s development – and succeeding in any field, be it artistic, sporting or academic requires the ability to concentrate on the task at hand. Concentration is one of what we call the Four Cs (along with confidence, communication and coordination) which all of the games, songs and dances are created to help improve at Perform, so it’s definitely something I think about at lot.
All children have the ability to concentrate – think about the things they enjoy doing – e.g. they’ll often have no problem at all with concentration when they’re playing a computer game, drawing, playing a particular sport etc. Normally it’s just a case of being interested in something. However, the ability to concentrate on any task can be a tougher skill to learn.
Even as adults we find it difficult to concentrate from time to time – so it really should be no surprise that children struggle too!
Out of the Mouths of Babes…
Yesterday, I was wrestling – completely unsuccessfully I might add – with some work (and quite probably huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf). My son wandered over to me and asked what I was doing.
“I’m just trying to get this work done, but I’m finding it very difficult” I said.
He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, then said “You should ask for help.”
I smiled and said something like “Maybe I should” (but not for one minute intending to) then went back to struggling.
I was relaying the story to my husband later on – expecting him to giggle along with me – I mean it’s a lovely suggestion, but I’m not at school any more – it’s not as if I can just raise my hand and have the teacher come along and help me!
Tips to Deal with Bossy Children
Many children reach a ‘bossy’ stage at one time or another, for most it’s simply part of their development – as they develop a stronger sense of self, they want to take more control. This may manifest itself in a number of ways – perhaps in their interactions with their siblings or peers – or even in the way that they speak to adults.
Around the mid-point of each Perform class we have a little break and hand out water and fruit; and it’s at this point that I quite like to sit back a little and observe how the children interact with each other. In one particular class, a little girl came up to me complaining about another child.
With one hand on her hip (a hilariously adult gesture) – she exclaimed: ”I just don’t know what to do with him; he never does as he’s told!”
I had to fight the urge to giggle – it’s the sort of thing parents say all the time…
Guest Post on Baby Budgeting
Becky from Baby Budgeting was kind enough to offer me a guest posting slot this month, so please do pop over to take a look and let me know what you think via the following link - Imaginative Play for Children
Whilst you’re there do check out her other posts – the blog acts as a fantastic resource for parents who are watching the pennies - erm that’ll be all of us then!
In her own words:
“Becky has 2 ambitions in life
1. To stay off work to raise her children
2. To be happy and fulfilled in her family life
Should be simple but these 2 ideals are becoming increasingly difficult for modern day parents to achieve. To this end Becky has been very creative over the last few years making and saving the money she needs to stay off work. She has run an extremely part- time take your baby along baby signing business, she has done many car boot sales, she has learned the wonders of eBay and Amazon, she has budgeted wisely and so much more. Writing her book is her chance to share all she has learnt with others and hopefully help build a whole community of sharing, smart thinking parents who can free up time to be with their children.”
It’s fab – I can’t recommend it enough… Just remember to come back and see me here sometimes too :)
Lucy x
Image credit Paul Swansen
The Confidence to be Different
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
- Dr Seuss
I love that quote.
At Perform, I come into contact with children every day who worry that they’re ‘different’. All too often they want nothing more than to ‘fit in’.
I think that as a species the desire to conform is all too high on the list of our priorities. We all want to fit in.
Being different is frowned upon all too often in my experience. Different = Bad.
But we’re all different, right?
We’re all unique – and shouldn’t that be something that we’re keener to celebrate?
I get a little tired of the “It’s OK to be different” shtick. Being different is *so* much better than OK. Being different is wonderful.
But how do you deal with a child who wants nothing more than to fit in?
Praising Children
Most parents totally accept the idea that praising children is very important. You can use praise in any number of ways e.g. you’ve noticed their actions and appreciate them; or you may use praise to recognise and commend their talents or abilities. It can help boost self-esteem and reinforce good behaviour. All fabulous things, right?
But, it occurs to me, that sometimes we can be somewhat over-keen to praise.
Perhaps it’s because we’re so keen to make sure that we’ve given praise we neglect to pay attention to *how* we’re giving it. It’s certainly something that I’m trying to be more aware of.
Five Fabulous Things to Do This Half Term
I know we’re now half-way through Half-Term but, if you’re struggling with inspirational ideas to fill up the last few days, here are a few thoughts that will keep you clear of the theme parks, museums etc.
Whilst doing virtually any kind of activity will involve you in parting with some cash, I’ve tried to pick some which hopefully won’t break the bank! Well… here goes:
1. Get Arty!
Great whatever the weather (if it’s looking gloomy, it’s a great rainy day activity – or, if it’s a day like today, bring the paints outside). Painting pictures is always fun, whether they’re finger-painting, using brushes or sponges or trying out potato printing and of course you’re not limited to paper either. With child-friendly ceramic paints they can decorate plant pots, mugs or plates; or you might like to try out fabric paints and have them design their own t-shirts.
On Not Sweating the Small Stuff….
Over the weekend I was catching up on my blog reading, and was delighted to find the following poem on Susan K Mann’s fabulous blog.
If I had my child to raise over again – by Diana Loomans.
If I had my child to raise over again.
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power,And more about the power of love.
It’s really beautiful, and for me (as I’m sure it will for many) served as something of a timely reminder about my priorities. We’re all so busy, we all work so hard so you’d think we’d all be sure to make the most of the time that we do have with our children.
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